Fact: The vast majority of people who were sexually abused as children never rape or sexually abuse other people. This is a dangerous myth that is sometimes used to excuse the behaviour of people who do sexually abuse children or others.
There is never any excuse for sexual violence against children or adults. Fact: Only one in 10 of rapes are committed by 'strangers'. The rest are committed by someone the survivor knows — such as a friend, neighbour, colleague, partner, or family member. People are raped in their homes, their workplaces and other settings where they previously felt safe. Only the rapist is ever responsible for rape. Fact: Men can control their urges to have sex just as women can. No-one needs to rape someone for sexual satisfaction.
Rape is an act of violence and control. It can't be explained away and there are no excuses. Fact: Everyone has the legal right to say 'no' to sex and to change their mind at any point of sexual contact.
If the other person doesn't stop, they are committing sexual assault or rape. When it comes to sex, we must check in with our partners, respect their wishes, and believe what they tell us about what they do and don't want.
Fact: There is no typical rapist. People who commit sexual violence come from every economic, ethnic, racial, age and social group. Fact: Men are also raped and sexually assaulted. While Rape Crisis focuses particularly on women and girl survivors, we of course recognise that the impacts of sexual violence and abuse on men and boys are no less devastating.
We believe all survivors of sexual violence and abuse deserve specialist support — find more information about support for men and boys. Fact: The majority of sexual assaults and rapes are committed by men against women and children. However, women do perpetrate sexual violence against other women, men and children. Often people who've been sexually assaulted or abused by a woman worry they won't be believed or their experiences won't be considered 'as bad'.
This can make it difficult for these survivors to access services or justice. Many people who have been raped, sexually abused or sexually assaulted feel confused about what has happened to them. Talk to us. We use cookies to provide vital functionality. For more information, please click here.
By continuing to use our website, you agree to our use of such cookies. We can see this message throughout the songs, movies, and TV shows we grow up with. Just one example.
It's received enormous YouTube play. Yes it's a parody - but the reason parodies work is that they accurately mirror a well known situation. The "bar scene" part exactly mirrors many "real" music videos. The guy is leaning over an attractive woman and telling her, "Watch it girl, for I ain't your 'Mister Nice' guy. I'm sure we can all think of thousands of songs where the woman is simply an object to be grabbed and mounted. The only reason she's important is that she has big breasts or a big booty and that the guy wants to get her drunk, get her stoned, and use her.
Now, I'll admit here that I adore the Game of Thrones series. I think the acting is superb, the writing is excellent, and the storyline is compelling. With all of that being said, numerous articles have been written about the egregious amount of sex inserted into the series by HBO. This sex wasn't in the original books at this level. The HBO team deliberately ramped up the sexual content to draw in viewers.
No, it was solely about the body of the woman causing a male to get aroused. That was her purpose in life. The Game of Thrones series even spawned a new term - "sexposition". This describes exposition i. Apparently viewers can't appreciate good dialogue or talented acting. They have to have active sex going on in order to stay engaged. A classic example of this is in Episode 7.
Perfect Victim has the courage of a hundred armchair quarterbacks. Perfect Victim bites and scratches. Perfect Victim spits and sobs. I know women who have asked their rapists to use a condom, even offering one of their own. I know women who have said yes after being worn down all night, over and over. You can only push a man off you so many times.
Sex was a known variable. Think of it as a harm reduction tactic. Fighting and screaming and kicking and yelling at a man? Unknown outcomes. Would he hit me back? Would he let me go? Would I fight and lose?
If I lost, would he have sex with me anyway, only more violently? The acute stress response, coined fight or flight by psychologist and scientist Dr. Walter Bradford Cannon in , has become a cultural truism.
You punch or you run. I took one of those classes the summer before I headed to college in New York City. My mother wanted me to be prepared. Each week, they would grab us, attempt to wrestle us down, and we would literally fight them off. The idea was that we were training our muscle memories, so our instinct to fight became a corporeal imperative, rather than an intellectual decision.
I had not then, and still have not now, been attacked in a way that would allow me to use that training. It would not just seem "not okay" only in the cases where we speak, write, and take to the streets in angry protest and not the countless others. If rape is not okay, it is not okay for anyone , no matter who they are, where they were, when and with whom, what they were wearing, what they said or did, or what their "character" is like.
We cannot pick and choose the victims we think did not "deserve" it and show them our support, while others are raped over and over again—by the rapists, at the police station, the hospital, in court, in the media, and with our own judgment. Neither can we choose to punish some perpetrators and not others based on their money, political influence, official positions, or simply whether or not they fit our "image" of a rapist.
If rape is not okay, every incident needs to be reported, every case filed, taken to court and issued a prompt and fair judgment, with severe punishment for the perpetrator which will serve to deter every other potential rapist.
If rape is not okay, change must come at every level, from changes in the law in order to make it more relevant to crimes committed today, to changes in our culture, society and family, where women are explicitly taught that their lives and reputations begin and end with their sexuality, and men implicitly learn about the worst weapon to use to destroy women.
If rape is not okay, it is the rapist whose life should be "ruined", and who should live in fear and shame forevermore. If rape is not okay, it is the survivor who should be free to live in society with their honour intact, because their honour does not lie in their chastity and their shame is not in its violation.
If rape is not okay, women need to be seen not only as sacred mothers and sisters and daughters and friends who need protection from being violated and ensured justice if they are, but as human beings with basic human rights to safety and well-being. While we express outrage at the most gruesome crimes committed because we cannot turn away from what is literally staring us in the face, let us not neglect to demand justice for those who suffer in fearful silence every day.
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